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Poetry // Aliyah Nicole Avina 

Poetry // Aliyah Nicole Avina 

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Thank You, Errors

Thank You, Errors

 

Thank you, errors.

For teaching me to lean on God more and his understanding.

For helping me realize that with every fall, I can only become stronger when I get up.

I can only sting like a bee this time, and hit the enemy where it really hurts.

Thank you, errors.

For teaching me that what’s meant for me, won’t come easy.

I will always be met by resistance when I’m travelling the path of victory.

Even when it feels like I’m not on the right path, you remind me that I am.

Because I now understand that it takes seven no’s, just to get a yes.

And I know that my yes is coming, because of you.

So, errors I just want to thank you.

For all that you do.

Because I wouldn’t be headed where my God wants me too.

If it wasn’t for you.

Thank you, Errors.

 

Overcoming Heartbreak

Overcoming Heartbreak

48479-Broken-Glass

It’s so easy for unwanted circumstances in life to visit us, and tear us down when we least expect it. It hurts even more to know that what comes to tear us down, comes from the ones we love and trust the most. I truly believe that’s why the term is called heartbreak. It comes from those who we have allowed to become merely apart of us, to those whom we have shared with our deepest secrets, those where we have opened our doors and welcomed them into our inner homes, not knowing that they would rob us and leave us with almost nothing besides their disaster to clean up. And although they robbed us and left with our belongings; somehow every memory, conversation, aroma, of that person has been stained and embedded within our homes. Every ounce of pain and hurt they caused, we began to swallow like it was our medicine. They came in, and placed an “I own you” sign in our front yards, and how dare they do that. But we allowed them, and we couldn’t remove the signs, because we weren’t ready to own ourselves and be free. So, the heart break kept us in captivity.

Many of us claim to be freed from heartbreak, and that it has taught us all of the lessons in the world and to never go back to what tore us down. Truthfully, for many of us, all heartbreak has taught us is to embed ourselves in fear for the rest of our lives. To never trust a soul again, to build walls, bricks, and doors over ourselves, to hurt others because we have been hurt, and to walk around with a painted face that screams, “I’ve got trust issues! No one is welcome here.” I’m not saying, we’re not going to have a guard up, of course we are! We’ve been hurt. But after being torn, many of us, shred ourselves even more, by turning over into the mindset that everything and everyone is out to hurt us, and that we can’t be free because of this. That we will never truly be satisfied and experience a healthy, bountiful, loving, relationship in our lives. When God is our guard, we are secure. But when we make man our guard, we become fragile, unstable, and insecure. What has hurt us, if left unattended, it begins to weigh on our actions, and our relationships, and we begin to hurt others, and those others begin to hurt others. The pain becomes a cycle. So how can we truly overcome heartbreak?

       Forgive all those that hurt you and forgive yourself

How can we learn from heartbreak? First, we must forgive that person, and we must forgive ourselves. We must stop returning to the place of what could’ve been done better, and what could’ve been done different. In order to begin to move on, we must accept what has happened. Accepting what has happened, doesn’t mean that what happened was acceptable. By acknowledging what has happened, and not just burying it in our hearts, we prepare our wounds to heal. You must refuse to cover the thorn in your flesh, with a bandage, and prepare to take the thorn out so that you can heal.

     Understand that it takes time

We live in a world now, where everything requires a quick fix or a quick response. We expect for our loved ones to text us back no later than 5 minutes or it’s a problem, we expect fast food, fast internet, fast ways to make money, and fast cars. Everything is losing patience, along with ourselves. We want a quick fix to our heart break, and if we don’t receive it, we convince ourselves that we don’t deserve to be healed, and we take ourselves on constant guilt trips. The truth is, everyone’s healing process is different, but they all take time and consistency.

   Be proud of yourself and your progress

Start to keep track of your progress, and be proud of yourself for it. Of course, there will be days where you fall, but understand that you have the power to get back up, and that a fall will not stop you from reaching victory. Seek after godly counseling and much prayer. Start walking into your freedom, and let every word you speak, and every step you take, become a chain breaker. Speak love into others, share gratitude, and continue to believe in yourself. Have faith in your healing, God wants you to be made whole again and free. He’s with you every step of the way.

  Prepare yourself for Resistance

Whenever you are trying to better yourself and grow, you will be met by resistance. Resistance will be the force that comes to you in the form of people, situations, and negative circumstances. Resistance is the force that pulls you into giving up, it’s the same thoughts that convince you that you will never be free, and so on. Change your mindset to, “I’m willing to do whatever it takes to reach where God wants me. To reach my healing. If the enemy is fighting me so hard for it, then this must be for me.” Fight the good fight of faith.

    Joy comes in the morning

I believe in you and I believe that you can overcome this. Actually, I KNOW that you can overcome this. While writing this, I have been praying for you. I have dealt with being broken hearted in my life, and I can remember the excruciating pain that it brought me mentally and physically. These were just some steps that I took to overcome heartbreak, and I hope that they helped you. Thank you for reading. Stay tuned for more blog posts weekly.

“They that sow in tears, shall reap in joy.” — Psalms 126:5

“See now, that I, even I, am he, and there is no god with me: I kill, and I make alive; I wound, and I heal: neither is there any that can deliver out of my hand.”                  Deuteronomy 32:39 

The Mother + The Womb Poem

The Mother + The Womb Poem

 

 She made herself weak, so that you may be made whole.

Opened great doors for you, all while keeping the toxic ones closed.

You’d run to her with questions, and she’d given you the answers.

Warning you, choose whom ye will dance with, because even the devil is a dancer.

At times, you grew stubborn, knowing she was right.

So you’d cut open your own wounds, just so she could bandage them tight.

The Mother of peace, compassion, love, nurture, and care.

Who’d go without nothing, just to make sure you were never hungry, and without clothes to wear.

Mother, Mama, Mommy, Mama Bear.

So heavily slept on, so today we ask that you’d wake up and take care..

of Her.

Because Mama won’t always be there.

And when she’s gone, you’ll hold onto every word, every hug, every laugh, and every glare.

And for some of you, maybe mama has left you too soon.

But she has this special place in your heart, that every now and then you revisit and you groom.

She was the Mother who gave you all the space in the world just to grow, and just to bloom.

The Beautiful Mother, the favored daughter of the Almighty God who formed you, and kept you covered in her precious womb.

The Mother all of our hearts tend to gravitate to..

Mother, Mama, Mama Bear

(We Love You)

Aliyah Nicole Avina

Why I choose to keep loving 

Why I choose to keep loving 

There have been times in my life where I have been hurt to the point where I had no strength in my body, where my bones ached, and my heart nearly gave up on me. That’s how broken I once was, my heart physically was saddened and hurt. Somehow, those rough times have taught me how to appreciate life more abundantly. Because of hard times, I have been strengthened, replenished, and restored. Lastly, I have learned and gained far more than I have lost. 

       There was a time in my life where I steeped myself low into a complete brain fog, a total wipeout. I was completely out of it. This was as a result of being heart broken. During this time, I remember I couldn’t go one second without driving myself insane. I was constantly replaying scenes in my head, trying to redirect all that happened like I was the director, and could edit it all over and delete what wasn’t needed. I cried and I cried, until my pillow was soaked and it received enough of those silent screams I’d given it, so no one else in my house could hear me. At times, I felt too ashamed to even bring this to God, I’d assign negative, meaningless, words on our conversations before they were ever formed. 

Imaginary Predicted Conversations

God: “So you’re broken again huh? What do you expect me to do.. fix you? Again? No way.” 

Me: *cries in pillow for the thousandth time* 

   My problem was that I thought I knew God better than he knows himself, I thought I knew what he was going to say before I’d ever come to him in prayer, so for so long I avoided even going into prayer. Because from the very result of my broken heart, I had already felt the sting of rejection ceasing from every corner and every being.. even God himself. I felt ashamed and downright stupid to keep loving the same people who hurt me.. over and over again. So I began to build bolted doors, barriers, borders, fences, screaming, “I’ve been hurt too many times, sorry no one is welcome here any more.” I felt like I had given everyone every single piece of me that was actually good and important, so building barriers was my way of rebuilding the pieces of me that I had lost. I had treated my love as if it was a bad thing, a disease, or some sort of ill borne sickness. 

When in reality, my ability to love was all along, my superpower

So once I realized my love was a good thing, I had to change my conversation with my creator, my master, my sweet Heavenly Father, my God. 

A Conversation between God and I

Me: God I’ve been hurting and I don’t know what to do, think, pray, or even say at times. All I know is that I need you, and I pray that your will be done in my life. I pray that nothing stops me from loving others, and I lay all of those father whom have hurt me at your feet, I don’t know what has caused them to hurt me or why they may do the things that they do father, but you know. May you give me enough strength to keep going.

God: 

    The reason I didn’t place a response from God in the conversation above this time, is because I can no longer predict or assign words and thoughts on God. All I can do is trust Him and His will, even through every harsh, rattling, battle and through every ounce of joy that will come in the morning. Does it ache to be devastated and hurt by those we love? Indeed it does. But I choose to love because I can no longer control or try to control others actions. God resists a controlling spirit, because we have a tendency and desire of wanting everything to go our way. To release, is to completely give everything to God and allow him to be the producer of our contentment. I had to let go and allow for him to direct my path entirely, because God isn’t the God that will settle for some. He’s an all in God. 

        Many of us, after experiencing another’s version of ‘love’ has failed us, we give up on love completely. It’s not that we want too, but many times we use this as a defense mechanism to keep us from hurting ourselves again. We become our own guards and protectors, because we’d do anything just to not feel the reality of a broken heart again. We begin to pinpoint toxic people from miles away and mentally growl at them to stay away from us. It took me many years to overcome this. I lost myself more playing the role as someone who had to constantly watch herself because everyone was out to hurt her, rather than just simply choosing to love. Not knowing, that even in love, you can still dodge the hurt, if you’re secure in where your love lies. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent, the wonderful words of Elenor Roosevelt that has spoken volumes over generations. 

      I choose to love, because I can no longer be imprisoned by another’s actions, negative thoughts, pain, and barriers. I choose to love, because I choose to keep going, and my destiny is not in the nads of those who have hurt me. I refuse to apologize for loving any longer, my ability to love is my superpower.