I’ve been so stuck, and entangled in webs of fear, low self esteem, and loneliness now for too long. I’m humbled to say that I’m actually now able to not only admit this, but face it. I’ve been running in circles around the problem, all while creating a ditch to sink into at the same time. I never really understood why God chose me to write, speak to others, and help others. I never thought I was capable for a calling even. No seriously, growing up with social anxiety, a low self esteem, and a border walk that screamed “people proof, no humans allowed” you would think the same. But now I know.
Too many times, we place our weakness on pedestals, and use them as curtains to cover our strengths. We make so many excuses for why we can’t change the world, or speak up, yet we place so much responsibility in the hands of others to be the key to doors opening. We get upset with the figures in the media, when we feel as if they’re not getting the job done, or are failing in the area of rising hope in this world. But don’t we have jobs too? Don’t we have voices too? Don’t we have hope sunk deep into our hearts too? Or are we just “too depressed” or “too shy and afraid to speak infront of others.”
Who says that you have to be depressed for the rest of your life? Who says that you have to be afraid anymore? The seeds of hope were never meant to be planted out of fear. When God used Moses, David, Jeremiah, and many others in the Bible, they knew that in order to succeed they would have to stop being afraid, and rest in God’s arms. Meaning that, even when situations may have looked bad, or when it seemed as if the world was against them, it never really matter because God was for them from the very beginning. They became unforgettable influences, because they weren’t afraid to use their voices. They became strong children of God because they knew that hope was waiting to be watered in the world, and became aware of their capabilities to do so. That’s why in the Bible God tells us so many times to fear not, because he knew that fear would rise. But, he also knew that there was a way for fear to be completely removed, demolished, and cast away. Believe in yourself.
I say this because, for so long I’ve been so afraid to use my voice, to finish writing my book, and achieve so many things that I want to do out of fear. I’ve been afraid of the world rejecting me, whether my writing would be good enough, and if I was smart enough to start college after having a child as a teenager. I’ve been so consumed in other’s opinions, that I never not once thought of what God thought of me. I never even gave myself a chance to get my own opinion involved. The blissful words of I can do all things through Christ, could never fully resonate within me, because I didn’t believe that I truly could. For so long, I’ve had a fear of telling people that I’m struggling in certain areas, and that I want to achieve, and live a more fulfilled life. Because, the world thinks that after you’ve found Christ, somehow the struggles don’t come, but truthfully the struggles become more real and alive. There’s been too many nights, where I’ve allowed myself to be eaten alive, and today I say no more lazy prayers, no more sarcasm, no more saying, but more affirmations, more doing, and more believing.
Our purpose is to continue to evolve, grow, and make changes. Not to remain still and stagnant, and pray that God will devour our slack, give us a pat on our backs, and take up for it. God knows our capabilities, the problem is that we don’t know. He knows that we can reach our greatest potential, he specifically placed it in us. But it’s only if we believe that we can do it, through Him. So if you’re afraid to speak, speak more. If your afraid to make a change, take a risk. Tell yourself that you refuse to be the same person you once were, and that things will get better. Believe It. See It. Be It.